Not sure how to feel…

… this is the second day without my husband. Yesterday I was supposed to meet up with the SAR team to do some Navigation training and search work with the dogs. I overslept and didn’t make it, called in and decided to meet with a fellow member later on that day to do what I was supposed to do in the morning. It’s quiet. Usually, when hubby is home, the TV is running. I only had it on for like half an hour and turned it off. I cleaned the kitchen, did some laundry but haven’t mowed the lawn or vacuum cleaned the house. That means that there is dog fur tumbleweeds underneath the table. It takes one day without vacuum cleaning… that is why they are called German Shedders. 
So far I received two emails from the FRG. One that the plain had troubles, second that they are on their way to their destination.
Funny thing is that I found myself eating some Ramen Noodles with Cheese Dogs. The same way he does it. It gives me a little comfort. I found his laundry in the laundry machine. Of course he didn’t tell me that it was in there and I had to clean out the laundry machine and wash it again, it’s so typical for him to do that. I miss him already and I hope he’ll stay safe and that I get to hear from him soon.

"Don’t crie, it’ll be allright"

When hubby deployed we took Indra and Yukon to the post because they are the closest thing to what you could consider as kids. He first dropped all his gear in the office and then we walked around with the dogs. When it came closer to formation we put Yukon back into the car and hubby took over Indras leash. 

Indra sensed that something was up. She knew exactly that something serious was about to happen. She never really worried when hubby left, or didn’t come home for a couple of days, or when he went out of sight. Today, though, was different. Today she was glued to him. She whined when he walked away, she went crazy when he came back, She simply knew that he wouldn’t come home with us.

Never in a million years would I have expected that kind of reaction. I knew all along that she’s a sensitive dog but this exceeded everything I’ve ever seen and experienced with her in the past two years, which didn’t make it easier for me either. I struggled to keep my tears back.

When they casually lined up for formation she cried out. A female Soldier asked if she could pet her. She came over, kneeled down and said “Don’t crie, it’ll be allright.”. That moment was so powerful and emotional, it’s these kind of moments that make memories.
During the briefing I stepped into the background because she kept on whining and I didn’t want to annoy people. I guess it’s not only us that have a hard time dealing with deployments. Our pets go just as much through the separation we do and I believe they understand much more than we think they do. 
In the end I couldn’t hold myself together. I leaned against him, hugged him and balled my eyes out. After we separated he turned around, waved me goodbye and said “I want you to get some ice-cream and eat it.” 
Then, he walked away.